Na mijn blogs over 'meningen' en 'problemen' valt het me nog meer op. De 'mening' wordt realiteit: 'het is nu eenmaal de realiteit dat deze gebeurtenis een probleem is...', zo hoor ik dan. Zoals Plato schreef in zijn allegorie van De Grot, zo denken wij dat de realiteit gelijk is aan de schaduwen die we zien. De echte realiteit is evenwel iets anders...Toevallig lees ik vandaag in de blog van Aviv Shahar hoe hij dezelfde kwestie beschrijft : wat wij denken dat realiteit is, is wat wij ervan denken. Het is nu eenmaal bijna onmogelijk om de realiteit te bekijken zonder je eigen achtergrond. Maar het is wel mogelijk om 1. te beseffen dat het jouw interpretatie is van de realiteit, om dan 2. te overwegen hoe anderen deze realiteit kunnen interpreteren. Shahar vraagt om een oefening te maken: reframe, neem eens een ander kader, een ander uitgangspunt.
Reality is what we perceive it to be. We all create our own reality. You often fail to realize this fact because of the "reality myth," which says that there is such a thing called "reality" independent of people's views, assumptions and beliefs.
When you look at an issue, what "frame" do you use? The reality you perceive is shaped by your beliefs and assumptions. When you interact with another - a peer, an employee, the boss, your client, or a friend - there is no such thing as "pure data." Even numbers on paper are interpreted with people's narratives and assumptions.
People have firm beliefs about themselves and others. These beliefs dictate what can and what can't be done, what is fair and right, and what is not, and the possibility or impossibility of everything. Beliefs and assumptions fashion the narrative, the story we create in our heads which in turn frames and instructs our reality.
We interpret what's happening around us all the time, and based upon this interpretation, we tell ourselves a story about:
- What's going on
- Why it's going on
- What is therefore possible or not
This is true even for those trained to be objective, such as journalists and CIA analysts. They, too, interpret the "data" and "reality" within a framework of beliefs about: "What's going on?" "Why is it going on?" and "What's possible or not?"
Ik veronderstel dat de meesten wel zullen weten dat - theoretisch - een andere mening mogelijk is. Het is mogelijk dat ze die andere mening aanvaarden, over sommige zaken althans. Ik veronderstel echter dat die mensen heel vaak over heel wat zaken hun mening als waarheid beschouwen. Sommigen willen die mening zelfs doorduwen, opleggen aan anderen!
Shahar geeft 15 maal een voorbeeld van 'reframe'. Sommige zijn bekend, andere echt vernieuwend:
- Reframe the intention: example: "We are not holding our positions; we are only advancing..." General Patton.
- Reframe the engagement: seek to understand before seeking to be understood.
- Reframe problems as opportunities: focus on a desired outcome.
- Reframe the mindset: Instead of thinking "why does he do this to me" think, "what is he struggling with."
- Reframe the conversation: for example, paraphrasing JFK, "Ask not where the answer to my problem is. Ask, What needs can I help answer?" - It is there that you will find the answer to your need.
- Reframe goals: results over actions; output instead of input.
- Reframe the meeting agenda: from a list of topics to specific questions that need to be answered.
- Reframe the scenario: from a committee where each is pulling in his own direction to a team with a unified objective.
- Reframe the vision: "Skate to where the puck is going, not where it is."
- Reframe the boundaries: Ask, what is the worst thing that can happen? What is the best thing that can happen? And then explore your range of options on the continuum.
- Reframe the language: from complaint to request; accusation to invitation for mature responsibility.
- Reframe the relationship: with a client from "transactional" to "value-based;" with an employee from directing to delegating; with your spouse from being in love with the idea of the other person, to loving who that person actually is.
- Reframe negotiations: from "win-lose" to "win-win;" from "all or nothing" to "musts and wants," and from "either or" to "yes and..."
- Reframe the reason: from acting on fear to acting on passion; from "needing to be right" to "facilitating a better outcome."
- Reframe the focus: from getting to giving; from "what happened" to "what is happening."
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